Just in time for the holidays: Lynne Cheney -- our favorite Jingo Belle -- has once again bludgeoned her way into the news. The American Council of Trustees and Alumni, a Washington-based group founded by Dr. Cheney and the curiously-silent Senator Joseph Lieberman, has neatly sucker-punched the academic establishment with the release of its blistering "J'accuse!", ``Defending Civilization: How Our Universities Are Failing America."
 
The report identifies by name more than one hundred scholars and scholastic administrators it accuses - of aiding and abetting terrorists through perfidious use of analytic balance and perspective, and flagrant attempts to place recent events in their social and historical context. The report states that ``colleges and university faculty have been the weak link in America's response," and notes that "when a nation's intellectuals are unwilling to defend its civilization, they give comfort to its adversaries.''
 
What were those irresponsible pointy-heads thinking? Everyone knows that The Chronicle of Higher Education" is at the top of the mandatory Al Quaida reading list. One thing is sure: you won't find any intellectuals on the American Council of Trustees and Alumni, no sir.
 
Dr. Cheney has long been an avid proponent of the people's right to believe whatever she believes. Her fans fondly recall her days at the helm of the Reagan-era National Endowment for the Humanities, where she daily toiled to halt the juggernaut of Western Civilization.
 
Short-sighted critics of this latest sally will accuse her of McCarthyism and claim that she is attempting to institute a modern blacklist. Nothing could be more untrue; she loves civil rights. It's just civil lefts that she doesn't care for.
 
On a related and happy note, despite the President's unilateral abrogation of the ABM treaty, the Russians have extended the hand of international friendship through an unprecedented request that Lynne accept an important Kremlin post. She has accepted, and, beginning this January, will become the first American to serve as Chief of Russian Domestic Security for the FSB, the KGB successor agency.
 
And that will be Commissar Lynne, by the way.
 
Speaking of incarnate evil, our Peril-ized Prez uncovers a nefarious plot involving certain animated government property in this week's episode entitled "Commander George in the City of the Lost Cheneys," a tale that just Edgar-Rice-Burroughs its way into your heart.
 
The W Team will be taking an extended vacation over the holidays. We'll resume January 9th with some new features. We're going to use the time to look for America, which seems to have gone missing. We're very concerned about it -- it's barely 200 years old -- such a little shaver to be out there all alone in the world. Let us know if you hear anything.
 
Until then,
 
Hank