In a burst of ecumenical joie de vivre typical of American religious fundamentalism, Franklin Graham -- son of Billy, and close advisor to the President -- recently characterized Islam as "wicked, violent and not of the same God."
 
 
Pausing briefly to note our hunch that few earth people share a deity with the Reverend Graham, we must assume that, in his reading of the Quran, the good and faithful shepherd merely selected the wrong ten pages.
 
 
In an attempt to salvage what little remains of the bemused pastor's reputation, we've tried placing our hands over his televised image while shouting "Heal! Heal!," but his mouth remains intractably open.
 
 
Perhaps if we issued a fatwa...
 
 
Speaking of holding a grudge, Attorney General John Ashcroft continues in his fevered drive to lock up all possible suspected terrorists -- or, for that matter, anyone who can spell "terrorist." Fewer than 2000 have been detained thus far, with another 5000 scheduled to be "interviewed," leaving only 279,993,000 to go. Although no charges have been filed to date, thoughtful citizens will take the simple precaution of committing their lawyers' telephone numbers to memory.
 
 
This week's somber little sonnet is entitled "The Winter Men," and is probably not suitable for children under the age of five, or for anyone who still believes in the existence of a "free press", or a "Democratic Party". Immediately after reading it, staff Oligarchist, W Collection disappeared into a locked room with two quarts of orange juice, and back-to-back episodes of The Power Puff Girls show.
 
 
Next week, another Fearless Fable, "The Adamant Beetle," in which we trace the arduous ascent of religious fundamentalism right up to where it marches off the cliff.
 
 
Oh, and sympathies to President Bush, recently recovering from post-traumatic stress occasioned by a hideous nightmare in which the United States demands that Iraq allow resumption of weapons inspections, and the tricky wretches say "Okay," thus completely ruining all our plans. This one required several glasses of warm milk and more than a few "There-theres" from the First Lady before he calmed down.
 
 
Until next week -- if there is one,