The recent detection of anthrax spores in U.S. Senate buildings has an implicit and unexpected silver lining for at least one government agency. Prior to that discovery, the General Services Administration was dreading the staggering financial obligation sure to result from North Carolina Senator Jesse Helms' announced retirement. For a time it appeared that the obviously necessary fumigation services would run into the mid eight-figures. Now they can just burn his offices down and charge it off to national security.
 
Ironically, Senator Helms' offices are among the few NOT infested with the dread disease. Investigators are chalking it up to professional courtesy.
 
And speaking of courtesy, staff metaphysician, W Collection, has expressed profound gratitude for the administration's untiring efforts to brand Islamic fundamentalists as "evil," rather than merely insane "The great thing about evil people," says our ethereal existentialist, "is that you don't have to listen to anything they say."
 
And speaking of ignorance, be sure to read this week's Fearless Fable, "The Dissatisfied Sheep," in which we explore the limits of gullibility.
 
Next week our Latent Leader becomes an International Man of Misery, as he goes off-shore in an attempt to track down an elusive political saboteur. We'll wait until next week to tell you what we're calling this one.
 
Another little-known presidential fact: George W. Bush is the first Little Leaguer to become President. It's true. In fact it appears that the pre-presidential prepubertal was permanently assigned to cover right field -- deep right field, very deep right field -- across the county line, in fact.
 
And here's a thought: if it's okay for private firms to provide baggage screening and other crucial government services, why not out-source the presidency as well? Oh, wait a minute, WC just brought in the latest analyses of the Florida presidential vote...
 
...Oh. It's already been taken care of. Never mind.

Until next time, buh-bye.
 
Hank