Somewhere in the world he lies in wait: the shadowy figure who issues his deadly orders from locations so secret even the most sophisticated technology and spy-craft is powerless to find him. Despite Herculean effort and calamitous bombardment, he remains in firm control of the illegally-seized reins of his hapless host's government. Deeply hidden and invisible, he emerges only for rare televised appearances and then once more disappears into the night. He is a wily and dispassionate -- some say ruthless -- adversary; a master of lies and evasion; the supreme arbiter of a nation's fate, surrounded only by a few trusted officers and allies -- and, of course, Mrs. Cheney.
 
The Pentagon assures us that the war is continuing to go well, putting aside such minor setbacks as intensive carpet bombing that has killed more civilians than enemy troops; The surprising resilience of the enemy and the puzzling failure to effect any significant diminution of his capabilities; mounting criticism amid increasingly desperate calls for a massive ground effort; a steadily lengthening projection of the war's duration; and the fact that we are now forced to make common cause with an Afghan counter-force that, in addition to being incompetent, also hates us.
 
Concerned that such technicalities might unaccountably lead the American public to misconstrue the operation thus far, the administration has requested that we avoid the use of certain potentially misleading terms in our reports. These include: "advisers," "hearts and minds," "end-game," "exit strategy," "quagmire," "trapped like rats," and any word beginning with a capital "V."
 
While on this topic, a reader recently requested information about allied troop dispositions. We checked, and the answer, as usual, is "surly."
 
Speaking of which, Captain George tries his hand against the surly sea in a stirring saga of supernatural strife entitled "Mobilized!"
 
Next week, a feckless fable we call "The Dissatisfied Sheep."
 
Until then, so long, and remember, " Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose."
 
Hank