Two weeks ago, we reported that a recent Missile Defense test had succeeded because the target had been painted pink and covered with magnetic foil. It now appears we were mistaken.

In fact, the intercept was assisted by a radar beacon located within the target. This is called "cooperative targeting", and is a much more reliable method of ensuring a "kill". We should have known all along.

We apologize to the Pentagon for our error. We also promise to do everything in our power to assist the administration's efforts to convince rogue nations to include similar beacons in their missiles -- should they ever get any.

Speaking of launch states, it appears that relations between presidential counselors Karl Rove and Karen Hughes are moving into DefCon 2, as evidenced in the latest presidential e-message, "Hughes on First".

And staff Conspiracy Maven, W Collection, suspects treachery at the highest levels. WC hisses an apoplectic "j'accuse!" at the White House web site's recent publication of a presidential address delivered this week before the Future Farmers of America. With some justification, WC claims that the speech could not be the product of a leader in his right mind, and mutters darkly of a fifth column within the speech-writing corps. The document, speaks for itself -- in a manner of speaking.

Next week, our Nuclear-tipped Chief Executive imagines how he would have handled the Cuban Missile Crisis, in "13 Dazed".

And those puzzled by the recent death of the campaign reform movement in Congress would do well to remember the maxim: "Do not sit next to an ape if you are a banana".

Seven days until the next issue — your actual mileage may vary.

Hank