(NPB Election theme: up full, establish and fade)
 
ANNOUNCER
DATELINE BOSTON! High above the floor of the Democratic National Convention: National Public Broadcasting's Election Special:
 
DECIDE AND BE DAMNED 2004!
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
Good evening. I'm Fenton Braunschweiger, host of this evening's coverage of the final night of this historic and crucial convention. Here with me, a panel of noted journalists and commentators: Robert Barren, President and Editorial Director of the VOLE News Network; John Stentorian, Washington Bureau Chief, TimelyNews Magazine; Landon Gentry, Political Editor of The Market Street Jackal; and from NPB, Special Correspondent, Dewitt Spivey and Senior News Analyst Mark Blather.
 
Before we begin, I'm sure I speak for all of us in extending best wishes to courageous African American Journalist, Rudy Token; fighting female correspondent, Gloriana Strident; and courageous fighting African American female Asian utility newscaster, Tawanna Kobayashi. Unfortunately for reasons of health and nervous exhaustion they are not able to be with us to comment on tonight's events from their unique but nonetheless valid cultural perspectives.
 
SPIVEY
That's right, Fenton, And I understand that Gloriana is making a complete recovery and since I'm sure she's watching tonight's show, I'd just like to say, "Hang in there," Gloriana, and next time stay away from the Pumpkin Spice Cookies! Heh, heh, just kidding, Glory.
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
Dewitt, start us off with your impressions of this crucial convention.
 
SPIVEY
Well, Fenton, I'd have to say it's crucial.
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
What do you mean by that, Dewitt?
 
SPIVEY
Well, I mean crucial in the sense that things have reached a crux, I might even say a momentous crux, nothing less than that.
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
And certainly nothing more.
 
SPIVEY
That's right, Fenton.
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
What's your take on this, John? What kind of night is this for the Democrats? Crucial or Momentous?
 
STENTORIAN
Oh, I guess I'd have to say it's more than either of those, Fenton. It seems to me it is more of a turning point, a watershed, a pivotal moment in the history of this political party, which has for so long been beleaguered by the roller coaster tides of anti-Jacksonian--
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
--Thank you John. Mark, how do you see tonight's crucial and historic events?
 
BLATHER
Well, Fenton, It's (obvious generalization). But not since (1920's reference) has it ever been more crucial.
 
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
Landon, what about it: decision time for the American public?
 
GENTRY
Yes, Fenton, it is very much a deciduous moment in history, and although I don't recall anyone else mentioning it, it seems to me to be crucial. Fortunately for the Democrats, they know that. Look, the Democrats aren't fools, they know if John Kerry loses this election he has no chance of winning it...
 
SPIVEY
...Absolutely, no chance whatsoever.
 
GENTRY
And you can bet they'll take swift action. I wouldn't be surprised if, in the next few days, we see them drawing distinctions between themselves and their opponents, and possibly suggesting that they are the better choice.
 
STENTORAN
Really, Landon? You think it might come to that?
 
GENTRY
It's possible, John. Politics is a dirty game.
 
BLATHER
That's right, Landon, I recall (self-aggrandizing anecdote) when (irrelevant name-drop), and (1920's reference) (1930's reference) (1940's reference) (1718 recollection).
 
BARREN
While we're on that subject, Fenton, We might take a moment to discuss VOLE News' recent report on the well-known Kerry-Al Quaida link that--
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
--Thanks, Bob, perhaps a little later. Right now I'd like to pursue the question of the Democratic strategy and how it is likely to develop over the next few crucial and historic hours of this final night of the convention. Landon, how do you see things shaping up?
 
GENTRY
Well, Fenton, there's no doubt in my mind that everything hinges on Kerry's acceptance speech tonight. In essence he has thirty minutes to convince the public that he's the man for the job--the Man with the Plan, you might say. It's a tall order this late in the campaign, and it's vital to his chances that the public hear and understand every word of his address.
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
That would, of course, be the address that Senator Kerry has been delivering for the past fifteen minutes, and which we will be going to as soon as we've completed our analysis. Bob, what would you imagine the Senator is saying at this very moment?
 
BARREN
Well, Fenton, I'd imagine that right now he's talking about his plans to bring the American family to its knees by forcing his homosexual agenda on an unsuspecting public. I'd guess that he's talking about his scheme to gut America's armed might, and to release a flood of welfare mothers into our economic system. He might even be discussing his secret partnership with Saddam H--
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
--Mark?
 
BLATHER
(King Charles II reference) (peculiar analogy) (fundamental misunderstanding) (heavily qualified apocalyptic prediction)
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
Landon?
 
GENTRY
Well, Fenton, I'd imagine--
 
SPIVEY
--Wait a minute, Fenton! I'm hearing from my floor team that Senator Kerry has just--oh! This is unbelievable, Fenton!
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
What, Dewitt? What's going on down there?
 
SPIVEY
Fenton, this is incredible, but it appears that Senator Kerry has just made mention of his Vietnam War experience!
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
WHAT?
 
BARREN
OUTRAGEOUS, UN-AMERICAN!
 
BLATHER
(Inappropriate parallel) (archaic expletive)
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
Ladies and gentlemen, it would appear that the Democratic candidate for President of the United States has ostensibly referenced his participation in a conflict that the vast majority of American political figures--including his opponent--managed to avoid. It certainly appears that he is deliberately seeking to make himself appear more responsible than the rest of them. What about that, John, a signal betrayal of our democracy, or merely a low point in American politics?
 
STENTORIAN
I'd have to say that it's a tragic misstep, Fenton, the inevitable downfall of a once towering public figure.
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
Yes, tonight we have witnessed an historic and tragic self-immolation of a formerly promising and crucial political career.
 
GENTRY
By tomorrow, when the editorial writers are through with him, he'll be lucky to win a majority in his own state.
 
BRAUNSCHWEIGER
And, of course, that is as it should be, Landon, because our press is the last line of defense against the unscrupulous and overly-principled. When, as in this case, a major figure makes a mistake of this magnitude he can not hide from vigilant journalism. And it will do him little good to ask the press for forgiveness because the press is unforgivable.
 
SPIVEY
Absolutely, Fen. And thank goodness for our dedicated, fair and balanced press, or we'd be up the creek for sure!
 
BLATHER
(Long pointless reminiscence, trailing off into incomprehensibility).