Team W has learned of a mysterious Internet-borne infection focused on the White House. The "Code Red Worm", effectively shuts a targeted site down by forcing infected computers to overwhelm it with spurious e-mail messages.

In this case the unknown assailants were unsuccessful because the White House is, of course, a content-free zone. The poor blind fools did not realize that all administrations are adept at repelling external information, and that this one is the most repellent in living memory.

But the external challenges that face the President are as nothing when compared to those that originate from within, as a bewildered W relates in "Shepherds Pious", wherein he is forced to referee a theological rowdy-dow between religious luminaries Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and Charlton Heston.

With that experience as background, imagine the relief our Leader must feel escaping to the relative calm of Rome. Imagine as well his delight in standing before the historic Roman Senate House. There, on the very steps where stood the mighty orators Cato, Quintilianus and the great Cicero, our exalted elocutioner once again executed his presidency, and entered these words into posterity:

"I realize that so many of the words we use in America come from right here...It's awe-inspiring to be here...I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right,"

The increasingly audible whirring noise that accompanied these remarks was later traced to an as-yet unexplained spinning sound emanating from a nearby ancient cemetery.

Next week, the Crowned Commoner describes the current internecine state of affairs at the White House in "Hughes on First".

Oh, and WC informs us that the President has added a second translator to his European retinue. The new hire will handle foreign languages.

Keep smiling. It confuses them.
Hank