Short-sighted critics of the President's State of the Union address (1600 Pennsylvania Avenue) are assailing his inclusion of Iran and North Korea in the "Axis of Evil," at a time of intense efforts to normalize relations with these two touchy nations.
 
But the criticisms are parochial and illogical. You can't have a war without an enemy. Without a war you can't have a state of emergency. And, without a state of emergency, before you know it, we'd slip right back into that old safe and optimistic state of mind we had during the Clinton era, and then where would we be?
 
For God's sake, people, think!
 
And while on that subject we might as well clear up this secrecy bugaboo that has so many alarmed. What they don't seem to realize is that it's an intellectual property issue: if our leaders told us too much about the government, we might learn enough to go out and start our own.
 
This week, our Lambent Leader adds his own special touch to the concerns and confusions of the electorate in another dispensation of "Back of My Mind." And next week, another Fearless Fable; this time a cautionary tale about the pitfalls that lie in wait for members of the fourth estate. Be sure to read "The Conjure Pen."
 
And this from the art department: it appears that news photographers are particularly fond of taking pictures of Attorney General John Ashcroft posed against a background of semi-naked statuary in the lobby of the Justice Department. The figures expose only a single boob, but including Mr. Ashcroft restores the balance.
 
To forestall this mammary malfeasance, and to lessen his evident discomfort, the AG has ordered that drapes be drawn around the figures. Moving quickly past speculation as to unresolved maternal issues, we were pleased to see that the AG took such...um...firm and measured action. He could, after all, simply have lobbed a few mortar shells at the offending colossi.
 
Still, it is a little confusing. In addition to John Walker Lindh, we now seem to have two "American Talibans."
 
Oh, and we suspect most history buffs experienced a tiny tremor of nostalgia upon hearing the word "Axis" restored to international discourse. It brought reminiscent tears to the eyes of a few around here, while others of us began softly humming "Keep the Home Fires Burning..."
 
Oh, and by the way, history buffs -- put some clothes on!
 
'Til later,
 
Hank