Monica Lewinsky: we can't live without her. Apparently.
 
Sensing the danger of national attention straying away from her, America's most accomplished whiner since Tonya Harding convened yet another press conference to bemoan her lost anonymity. Ms. Lewinsky was surprised by the relatively harsh questioning by reporters who sensed a connection with her upcoming HBO special. The very annoyed Lewinsky immediately blamed the conference's organizers. "You told me they'd be nice!," hissed the handbag diva through pursed lips.
 
Speaking of blow-ups, Team W was sorry to learn of the shocking incident in which a Secret Service agent of Arabic descent was ordered off an American Airlines flight. Despite numerous polite requests from captain and crew, the stubborn agent persisted in being non-white, leaving flight personnel with no alternative. The alert crew's suspicions were first aroused by several alarming signs: Chief among these was the fact that, although the agent appeared to be Middle Eastern, he nonetheless affected a shirt and tie; and second, that he had in his possession a book containing the word "Arab" in its title. Quick thinking again saved the day -- or would have had he not actually been an agent. Clearly, if you want to be safe beyond belief you'll want to fly American.
 
Ooh, did we hear a slogan?
 
Today's political slogan would appear to be "Power to the people!" as the suffix "gate" is ever more firmly nailed to the root word "Enron." Our Petro-President reflects on this and other calamities of command in his post-State of the Union complaint, "Energy Matters."
 
Next week, the Ideo-Savant of Pennsylvania Avenue clears up a few nagging conundra in a new installment of Back of My Mind.
 
Breaking news: sources report that the President's recent pretzel pass-out is due to a previously undisclosed condition known as Sinus Bradycardia. Accordingly, Team W today announces introduction of the Bradycardia bill, a legislative initiative to ban the manufacture and sale of certain classes of pretzels and other baked goods.

The new law will apply only to fully-baked goods, and thus exempts the President and several senior members of his communications staff.

And finally, this observation. The steadily worsening and politically-significant Enron debacle hints at the administration's intentions to lie with perfect freedom.
 
Fortunately she's not that kind of girl.
 
Until next week, this is Hank, saying..."until next week, this is Hank saying..." (thanks, Bob and Ray)
 
Hank