It is now little more than ten days since the attempted assassination-by-pretzel of our President. The vicious and cowardly attack on the First Throat once again challenges our smug complacency.
 
Perhaps now the lesson is learned in full measure. Perhaps now the nation will rise, determined to end the threat of unprincipled baked goods. From table water biscuits to Cheetos, from Orville Redenbacher to Mr. Peanut, every glutenate or leguminous comestible, foreign or domestic, must be seen for what it is: a dagger pointed at our heart.
 
The task before us is clear. We must immediately rid the national cupboard of the myriad gaily-colored packages of doom that lie within. Our motto must be "Ruffles = Death." We must turn a deaf ear to those who decry alleged violations of so-called "alimentary freedoms."
 
To do otherwise would be crackers.
 
* * * * *
 
It would appear that vigilance is also the price of peace. Donor nations proposing nearly 4.5 Billion dollars addressed to the rebuilding of Afghanistan acknowledge concern over the freewheeling -- not to say entrepreneurial -- fiscal inclinations or the renascent nation. Present plans call for the creation of a financial oversight body to be headed by Big Five accounting firm Arthur Andersen and Company -- a brilliant measure for two reasons.
 
First, if any firm is capable of sniffing out jiggery-pokery, it would be the reputationally-challenged Andersen.
 
And second, owing to the firm's expertise in these matters, it's entirely likely that the apparent value of the pledge will swell to three or four times its current size with no additional infusion of capital.
 
* * * * *
 
Speaking of treachery and deceit, this week's Executive E-pistle concerns a certain national leader's sojourn in the frozen waste (now, now). Mush along with us to the frigid north in our heroic tale "Crawl of the Wild."
 
Next week, the Put-upon Prez counts his cursings in another of his ongoing catalog of the many unwelcome surprises attached to the job he thought he wanted. One such is evident in a statement made by Mr. Bush during this week's commemoration of Dr. Martin Luther King. As reported on C-SPAN, upon receiving a memorial portrait of Dr. King, the President was heard to say ""Thanks for the portrait, I can't wait to hang it".
 
One assumes that, upon realizing what he'd said, the President turned as white as a sheet.
 
We at Team W have given no little thought to the daily issuance of statements that, surely as a pretzel, seem to stick in the President's throat, and we believe we have a solution: gaffer's tape.
 
And, please, no more remarks about the President being of faint heart.
 
'Til next week, when we gather once more 'round the ol' paper shredder.
 
 
Hank