From: gwb
To: Hank Blakely
Sent: Sunday, June 24, 2001
Subject: About my big trip


I guess you're fired up to know how things went on my first presidential travels in and amongst the foreign lands of Europe.
 
Well, in a word, it was just swell! We went all over Europe, from Spain to the Slovens, and all points in-between. I got to see almost all the important parts 'a Europe - and in only five days, too! I made lotsa new friends, but even more important, I got a chance to  
Now let me be perfectly frank: I never liked school. In the early days at Yale, afore I learned the ropes, back when I had to do all my own papers, I'd try real hard to get what my professors was talkin' about. That never worked out so well, 'cause I just don't have good learnin' habits. I mean, the knowledge comes into my head, all right; I can even feel it rollin' around in there for awhile. Then it's like it sorta lies down, and I never hear from it again.
 
So you can understand I was a little tense about what was comin'. Condie was the one who got to teach me. It appears that there was a bit 'a conflict about who would actually do it. Condie said she won on account 'a that's the way things go for her.
 
She decided we should start off with Spain, since that was the first place on the trip. So she starts in by askin' me, "How much do you know about the Spanish?" Well, just to keep things light-hearted, I nudged her in the side with my elbow, and said (and I usually have a little twinkle in my eye at these kinda times), I said, "not much, but I sure heard a lot about their 'fly!'".
 
From this I learned two things:
   1. Never nudge Condie in the side
   2. National security advisors got no sense 'a humor. None.
 
Eventually things settled down again, and, since I was now a little more motivated to get this thing over with, we soldiered on. Condie took me through some 'a the main topics: Missile Defense (can't say "National Missile Defense" no more, 'cause puttin' it that way seems to get the Euros all worked up), North Korean missiles, the Balkans situation, NATO expansion, the Kyoto treaty, and a lotta other stuff.
 
Retainin' this information was hard. Some of it didn't make sense even after it was explained. On one subject I just couldn't stand it no more, and I said: "Wait a minute, wait a minute! This Kyoto thing: What do the Europeans care about what musical instruments we use, anyway?. Hell, they don't even make 'em, the Japanese do!"
 
Sometimes in them long silences you can see how the wear and tear of this job's startin' to tell on Condie. I was glad she was gonna go on this vacation and get to relax a little.
 
And I think Condie felt the same way, 'cause after that question, she put down her chalk, dusted off her hands, and left the room, sayin' "This is going to be a shared nightmare". And right after that there was a lotta different experts teachin' me.
 
Thinkin' about all that puts me in mind 'a the early days 'a Laura's and my marriage. I'd just taken temperance, and along with that I got an urge for general self-improvement. Laura was more than happy to help me smarten up.
 
She decided to teach me some a' the things she'd learned in all her experience as a educator and librarian. She said a good place to start was with Henry James. Well, I was pretty surprised, and I said, "Now you're talkin'!". And she seemed surprised and happy that I knew who she meant. She said her favorite things a' his was The Turn of the Screw and The Golden Bowl. I said I didn't know those, but I'd always liked "Ciri-Ciri-Bin", and I thought his "One 'O Clock Jump" was even better'n Count Basie's!
 
Y'know, s'funny, but one minute you're havin' a nice talk with Laura, and the next she's stalkin' off down the hallway, wavin' her arms in the air and talkin' t' herself. It's just her way.
 
But I digress. Believe me when I tell you it was hard as heck to keep all those facts in my head. I realized I needed a more secure place to keep 'em, and that's when I got the idea 'a makin' up a cheat sheet (I guess I learned somethin' from school!). So I did, and the office girls typed it up for me. I still got it:
 

What it is

Good or Bad

What I think about it

(National) Missile Defense	Good	Keeps rogue nation's missiles away, even if they don't have none
U.S. troops in the Balkans	Bad & Good	Firmly committed to stayin', unless we have to leave, then we'll go
North Korea's Missiles	Bad	Can't trust 'em to keep agreements we haven't made yet
The Middle East Situation	Bad	Not really our business, but we can all work together in Christian fellowship
NATO Expansion	Good	Russia has nothin' to fear from freedom-lovin' peoples a few minutes away from Moscow
Global Warmin'	Not Good	Oh, yeah? Who says? Bad sciencin'
Kyoto agreement	Bad	NOT a musical instrument. Unrealistic, expensive and more bad sciencin'
ABM Treaty	Bad	Inconvenient roadblock, and a reliquary 'a cold-war thinkin'

That list helped a lot. And it's a good thing, too, 'cause it's important when I'm talkin' to foreign leaders that I look as smart as I possibly can.
 
Jeb says that's a easy target to hit.
 
(Next week, the reign in Spain meets Georgie at the 'plane)