From: gwb
To: Hank Blakely
Sent: Saturday, February 10, 2001
Subject: Colin: how come
 
I got to get this off my chest. It's been botherin' me for a while, but I couldn't say anythin' during the selection.
It all happened one day last year. Thing's wasn't lookin' so good for my candidature. and the stress was causin' trouble with my insides - if y'know what I mean. I tried Male Ox, Milk of Amnesia and everythin', and none of 'em worked. Then I got this book called "Mastering Your Digestive System", which says that you can use your mind to generate posivitistic thoughts to control any part of your body!

Well, on this day I was over at CNN doin' the Inside Politics show, and chattin' with ever'body: Wolf, Bernie and Judy, Bill and Jeff. I mentioned the Masterin' book to Wolf, and when I said somethin' about the chapter called "Colon Power" they all looked up suddenly. Wolf had kind of a funny look on his face. Come to think of it, they all did. And there was this buzzin' sound comin' from in back of the set, too.

When they started askin' a lot of questions all at once, I soon come to realize they thought I was talkin' about that nice Negro General from Poppy's administration. I wanted to set 'em straight but, the thing is I do have a few politics instincts. And somethin' told me I had to be real careful here. So when they asked me what kind of job he might have, I had to say somethin'. I meant to say some job in the military, like he had before, but what I actually said was the first thing come into my mind, which was: "Secretary of State?". And then the whole place just went to hell. Judy was practically jumpin' up and down, Jeff was askin' me questions a mile a minute. Bernie was frownin' and listenin' real hard to his ear piece. And Schneider was punchin' numbers into his calculator so hard I thought it'd break. I tell you, it was sheer Bethlehem.

Long story short, as soon as I could get out of there, I called Jeb to find out what to do. He took a long time to think it over, and I heard him talkin' to some other people. Then he came back and said: "Let's see how this plays out."

Well, as you know, it played out pretty good. What I thought was a mistake turned out to be some kind of genius, or somethin'. I don't mind tellin' you, I felt pretty proud of my quick thinkin'. Y'never know what you're capable of until things get uptight. Or, as Jeb put it, "Even a doorstop has a function". Tom D. says that Secretary of State is a good place for Colin, 'cause it doesn't have anythin' to do with abortion or affirmative action, or any of that important stuff. And, as Tom says, we can keep him on a short leash there. And Tom's a Major Whip, so he knows what he's talkin' about.

Anyway, I just wanted to set the record straight for posterior. I mean, I owe somethin' to history, don't I?

That's one thing you'll never have to worry about with me: as long as I'm president, history will always have a future.

Your friend,
W

(A thousand points of lite) `