TRANSCRIPT OF A NATIONAL ADDRESS ON ENERGY,
BY PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH
THE WHITE HOUSE
MONDAY, MAY 28, 2001 6:00 PM
GOVERNOR BUSH:
Good evenin', my fellow Americans.
Well, apparently y'all didn't like our energy plan as much as we mighta hoped. To be frank, you beat up on it like it was a piñata.
What with that, and a certain turncoat in the northeast part of the country, I figure we got less than a snowball's chance of gettin' my poor little plan through. So the vice-president, Secretary of Energy Spence Abraham, me and a few other interested parties have hammered out a new plan with our heads together. We think y'all might take to this one a bit better; seein' as how it's more in keepin' with the traditions of our great state - the traditions of our great nation.
In my previous speech, I said that these days when we flip the switch we can't be sure the lights'll come on. Believe me, I am well acquainted with that problem. So I asked myself, why is all this happenin' right now? Clearly, it's not the fault a' the energy companies or your Government. And then it come to me like a flash: IT'S ALL ABOUT FAITH!
Or to be more percise, the lack there of it. Ever' day we Americans lose a little more of our moral rigidity. And it's now got to where we have lost faith in our whole enferstructure. Faith is the quintessential indispensable necessary. Faith is always on the job - it works for you even when it's not workin'. It's kinda like an umbrella in an avalanche: even if it don't do you much good, it's still comfortin' to have it around. It's what we call the "Triumph of expectation over experience", which was a very important part of my recent candidature.
It's as plain as day that we need to restore our faith so that the lights'll come on again. And for that reason we have formalated THE FAITH-BASED ENERGY INITIATIVE, a sweepin' load of policies and practices that will ensure our energy sufficient well into the next century.
Now I hear you askin' "Well, what is this 'faith' that you're on about?". Well, I guess I'd have to say that faith is the engine that pulls the train of life. Without it you just get it in the caboose ever' time.
So then you ask "Well, ever' engine needs fuel. So where do we get the fuel for this 'faith'?". Well, the answer to that is even more simple than the question. The answer is: platitudes.
Yes, platitudes. Ever'body knows that the engine of faith runs best on platitudes. Platitudes are the cleanest, cheapest, safest form of energy. What's more, they're total renewable! Ever' time you use one, it inspires another. And best of all there's no need to go lookin' in foreign shores. We have more than enough right here! Why, just in Washington, D.C., my temporary home-town, we produce more platitudes than the rest of the world combined! What's more, there are vast untapped resources under virtually every State House in the nation! I tell'ya, my friends, platitudes are as plentiful as cow manure, and just as natural!
But, if we are to take advantage of this plentytude, we must strike now while the sun shines. Accordin'ly, I am today announcin' a plan that attacks the problem on three prongs: the creation of a new administrative enferstructure; the adoption of new faith-efficient measures; and the instillment of new faith incentives.
Effective immediately, I'm creatin' a new cabinet-level DEPARTMENT OF PLATITUDINAL ENERGY: responsible for regalatin' and coordinatin' our precious platitude resources. To head this important new organization, I have submitted to the Senate the name of my good friend, Enron Corporation Chairman, Mr. Kenneth L. Lay.
Second, within the Department of Energy, I'm creatin' the post of SECRETARY OF APPLIED PLATITUDES, who will be responsible for encouragin' research and development into the better utilization of existin' platitudes. For this position I'm pleased to nominate Christian Broadcasting Network Founder and Chairman, Dr. (Hon.) Marion Gordon ("Pat") Robertson.
Thirdly, I'm proposin' support for a new Non-Governmental Organization to be known as the HERITAGE ORGANIZATION FOR PLATITUDINAL EXPLORATION, to be responsible for the discovery of new sources of platitudinal energy and the development of new platitudes. The Reverend Dr. Jerry Falwell will head this vital new effort.
Together, DOPE, SOAP and HOPE will main-thrust our energy challenges. The new organizations will require about 700 Billion dollars in initial fundin'. Unfortunately, the newly-passed tax cuts will consume most of the expected budgetary surplus, so it may be necessary to create additional revenue through the use of new fees, licenses and other non-tax resources. More about these in the future.
This new enferstructure will go a long way to solvin' our current energy problems. But it alone is not enough. We must dedicate ourselves to a new spirit in America - a "Spirit of Spirituality". This may involve some measure of sacrifice and adjustment. Let me explain.
First, you can right away see this new plan means that our long-standin' principle separatin' church and state may not be the best way to confront the challenges that face us now.
Second, if the national welfare depends on faith, it's clear that the faithless are workin' against the common good. There's no room for atheists in this foxhole.
Third, America has always been justly proud of its long tradition of religious diversity. But is that the best thing for America now? Doesn't ever'body showin' their faith in different ways cancel each other out? Aren't we sendin' God mixed signals? As Reverend Falwell put it: "It's like runnin' your livin' room on AC and your dinin' room on DC, sooner or later the house is gonna blow up".
Clearly, we're gonna have to compromise a few principles here. Accordin'ly, I have asked Rev. Falwell, Dr. Robertson, Dr. Bob Jones III and the Reverend Billy Graham to Co-chair a newly-created COMMISSION ON SPIRITUAL REALIGNMENT. Particular emphasis will be placed on the Commission's Panel On Faith Enforcement, which'll be composed of Dr. Robertson, Dr. Jones, Attorney General John Ashcroft, and Solicitor General Theodore Olson.
Finally, it's clear that this new resource is still in its infancy. It can't be expected to provide all our energy needs right off. Plus it will require more energy just to develop it. So it's obvious we need to renew and intensify our efforts to increase our supply of traditional energy resources like oil, gas and coal, until the engines of faith is ready to go online - some time in the next twenty or thirty years. For this reason I ask all Americans to urge their Congressional representatives to act swiftly to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to further oil exploration.
Throughout the next few months, we'll be puttin' more meat on my plan's bones. You may be sure that I will work diligently to get behind the challenges that lie ahead of me. Let's pull together, America. And let's make this our motto: if God thought we was religious before, he ain't seen nothin' yet!
Good night, and may we all continue to be touched by the Lord, amen.
END OF ADDRESS
TRANSCRIPT OF A NATIONAL ADDRESS ON ENERGY,
BY PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH
THE WHITE HOUSE
MONDAY, MAY 28, 2001 6:00 PM
GOVERNOR BUSH:
Good evenin', my fellow Americans.
Well, apparently y'all didn't like our energy plan as much as we mighta hoped. To be frank, you beat up on it like it was a piñata.
What with that, and a certain turncoat in the northeast part of the country, I figure we got less than a snowball's chance of gettin' my poor little plan through. So the vice-president, Secretary of Energy Spence Abraham, me and a few other interested parties have hammered out a new plan with our heads together. We think y'all might take to this one a bit better; seein' as how it's more in keepin' with the traditions of our great state - the traditions of our great nation.
In my previous speech, I said that these days when we flip the switch we can't be sure the lights'll come on. Believe me, I am well acquainted with that problem. So I asked myself, why is all this happenin' right now? Clearly, it's not the fault a' the energy companies or your Government. And then it come to me like a flash: IT'S ALL ABOUT FAITH!
Or to be more percise, the lack there of it. Ever' day we Americans lose a little more of our moral rigidity. And it's now got to where we have lost faith in our whole enferstructure. Faith is the quintessential indispensable necessary. Faith is always on the job - it works for you even when it's not workin'. It's kinda like an umbrella in an avalanche: even if it don't do you much good, it's still comfortin' to have it around. It's what we call the "Triumph of expectation over experience", which was a very important part of my recent candidature.
It's as plain as day that we need to restore our faith so that the lights'll come on again. And for that reason we have formalated THE FAITH-BASED ENERGY INITIATIVE, a sweepin' load of policies and practices that will ensure our energy sufficient well into the next century.
Now I hear you askin' "Well, what is this 'faith' that you're on about?". Well, I guess I'd have to say that faith is the engine that pulls the train of life. Without it you just get it in the caboose ever' time.
So then you ask "Well, ever' engine needs fuel. So where do we get the fuel for this 'faith'?". Well, the answer to that is even more simple than the question. The answer is: platitudes.
Yes, platitudes. Ever'body knows that the engine of faith runs best on platitudes. Platitudes are the cleanest, cheapest, safest form of energy. What's more, they're total renewable! Ever' time you use one, it inspires another. And best of all there's no need to go lookin' in foreign shores. We have more than enough right here! Why, just in Washington, D.C., my temporary home-town, we produce more platitudes than the rest of the world combined! What's more, there are vast untapped resources under virtually every State House in the nation! I tell'ya, my friends, platitudes are as plentiful as cow manure, and just as natural!
But, if we are to take advantage of this plentytude, we must strike now while the sun shines. Accordin'ly, I am today announcin' a plan that attacks the problem on three prongs: the creation of a new administrative enferstructure; the adoption of new faith-efficient measures; and the instillment of new faith incentives.
Effective immediately, I'm creatin' a new cabinet-level DEPARTMENT OF PLATITUDINAL ENERGY: responsible for regalatin' and coordinatin' our precious platitude resources. To head this important new organization, I have submitted to the Senate the name of my good friend, Enron Corporation Chairman, Mr. Kenneth L. Lay.
Second, within the Department of Energy, I'm creatin' the post of SECRETARY OF APPLIED PLATITUDES, who will be responsible for encouragin' research and development into the better utilization of existin' platitudes. For this position I'm pleased to nominate Christian Broadcasting Network Founder and Chairman, Dr. (Hon.) Marion Gordon ("Pat") Robertson.
Thirdly, I'm proposin' support for a new Non-Governmental Organization to be known as the HERITAGE ORGANIZATION FOR PLATITUDINAL EXPLORATION, to be responsible for the discovery of new sources of platitudinal energy and the development of new platitudes. The Reverend Dr. Jerry Falwell will head this vital new effort.
Together, DOPE, SOAP and HOPE will main-thrust our energy challenges. The new organizations will require about 700 Billion dollars in initial fundin'. Unfortunately, the newly-passed tax cuts will consume most of the expected budgetary surplus, so it may be necessary to create additional revenue through the use of new fees, licenses and other non-tax resources. More about these in the future.
This new enferstructure will go a long way to solvin' our current energy problems. But it alone is not enough. We must dedicate ourselves to a new spirit in America - a "Spirit of Spirituality". This may involve some measure of sacrifice and adjustment. Let me explain.
First, you can right away see this new plan means that our long-standin' principle separatin' church and state may not be the best way to confront the challenges that face us now.
Second, if the national welfare depends on faith, it's clear that the faithless are workin' against the common good. There's no room for atheists in this foxhole.
Third, America has always been justly proud of its long tradition of religious diversity. But is that the best thing for America now? Doesn't ever'body showin' their faith in different ways cancel each other out? Aren't we sendin' God mixed signals? As Reverend Falwell put it: "It's like runnin' your livin' room on AC and your dinin' room on DC, sooner or later the house is gonna blow up".
Clearly, we're gonna have to compromise a few principles here. Accordin'ly, I have asked Rev. Falwell, Dr. Robertson, Dr. Bob Jones III and the Reverend Billy Graham to Co-chair a newly-created COMMISSION ON SPIRITUAL REALIGNMENT. Particular emphasis will be placed on the Commission's Panel On Faith Enforcement, which'll be composed of Dr. Robertson, Dr. Jones, Attorney General John Ashcroft, and Solicitor General Theodore Olson.
Finally, it's clear that this new resource is still in its infancy. It can't be expected to provide all our energy needs right off. Plus it will require more energy just to develop it. So it's obvious we need to renew and intensify our efforts to increase our supply of traditional energy resources like oil, gas and coal, until the engines of faith is ready to go online - some time in the next twenty or thirty years. For this reason I ask all Americans to urge their Congressional representatives to act swiftly to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to further oil exploration.
Throughout the next few months, we'll be puttin' more meat on my plan's bones. You may be sure that I will work diligently to get behind the challenges that lie ahead of me. Let's pull together, America. And let's make this our motto: if God thought we was religious before, he ain't seen nothin' yet!
Good night, and may we all continue to be touched by the Lord, amen.
END OF ADDRESS
Power Play
Hitchin' a ride on the faith train
© 2001- 2, Hank Blakely
