FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
TRANSCRIPT OF THE NATIONAL ADDRESS
BY PRESIDENT-ELECT GEORGE W. BUSH
THE TEXAS WHITE HOUSE: CRAWFORD, TX
6:00 PM, SATURDAY, JANUARY 12, 2001
GOVERNOR BUSH:
Good evening, my fellow Americans.

I want to speak to you tonight about a consternating issue: my designing of John Ashcroft as Attorney General of my up-and-coming administration, an act that has generated more controversion than any other in my semi-presidency.

I don't like to complain, but I would have hoped that, after all my minorital and feminnal appointments, y'all might of cut me some Slack. I mean, everything was all right as long as I was designing Secretary of State and all, but the first time I name somebody important y'all get picky on me.

Now, I hear a lot of Senator Ashcroft's criticals claiming He's anti-choice, anti-negral, anti-feminal, anti-environmential... just anti- this, that and the other thing. But what his distractors forget to say is that he's a God-fearin' Christian man - something I believe all Americans should aspire to be. But my point - if I have one - is that Senator Ashcroft doesn't need aspiration to this goal, because he's already it! Now, on the other hand, who are his criticals? Why, the NAACP, women's groups, gay groups, environmental organizations, and lots of terrorists and prison inmates! Let's see the neigh-sayers argue their way out of that one!

Now, on a personable note, let me quote something someone once said about someone else: that that someone else had "an odor of sanctity" about him. Well, John Ashcroft is easily the most sanctimonious-smellin' man I've ever known, and the most self-righteous, too.

Let's just look at the record, let's?

Missouri Supreme Court Justice Ronnie White (who I'm sure is an otherwise upstanding Negro-African-American) upheld the death penalty about 75% of the time. Frankly, some of us might of thought that was a pretty good record - but who was it showed us what it really meant, that he was soft on crime and actually Pro-criminal? John Ashcroft, that's who.

When misguided courts institutioned procedures that kept abortion clinic protesters so far away that you couldn't even see a doctor with a rifle scope, who led the fight to let them get in closer? John Ashcroft, that's who.

And who had the courage to honor those good confederate boys, actually callin' them "patriots" in their defense of states' rights to own people if they wanted? (not sayin' that slavery is a good thing, just that it's a matter that should be left to the state to decide). John Ashcroft, that's who.

And who has won more awards from Bob Jones University, white citizen's councils, and other progressive reactionary organizations? John Ashcroft, that's who.

But did this outstandin' record help him at election time? In a pig's eye it did. When it came time to reelect him to the Senate, despite gettin' to know John for more than 16 years, the good people of Missouri decided they liked the dead candidate better. Why such a flap in the space? I don't know, just one of those Kirks of fate. So we (by which I mean "I") thought it was only fair to give him another bat to crack.

That is why we (I) have selected John David Ashcroft to be the most justiciable law-enforcement officer in America land. And I believe that most of y'all will come to agree with my choice, because in your hearts you know he's right for the job.

And finally, let me insure you that all of my future choices will be made as thoughtfully and in consideration as this one.

Thank you, goodnight, and may God deliver us under my administration.

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