From: gwb
To: Hank Blakely
Sent: Monday, July 8, 2002
Subject: We need more lawn order
Terrible Fourth a' July, just terrible.
At least, thank the Lord, didn't nobody get blown up on my watch. Good thing, too, cause if they had ever'body 'd be askin' me a lot a' uncomfortable questions.
Oh, and the humanity, a' course, the humanity.
It started okay, 'though I now realize I should a' seen some kinda warnin' in that it was Karl what come up with the big idea. Karl wanted a bunch a' us to get out on the WH lawn and raise this BIG flag to show how patriotic we was 'n how much we like raisin' big flags.
My idea was to combine it with a ol' fashioned 4th a' July cookout right on the lawn, just like the ordinary little citizens. Laura got more turned on to the idea than I seen her in a long time; and started makin' all kinds a' plans But I told her I was gonna take personal charge a' this, and that calmed her down some considerable. The light kinda went out a' her eyes 'n she went back to that tight little smile she wear more 'n more these days.
But I was excited enough for both a' us, and I called a special Cabinet meetin' to discuss the cookout plans. I was as chipper as a woodpecker in a saw mill, 'cause at last I would be the one controllin' the agenda and we'd be talkin' 'bout stuff I actually understood.
The meetin' could a' gone better. Some fool told Christie Whitman 'bout' it, and so natural she come, and all through the meetin' she's rollin' her eyes 'n snickerin' like a woodchuck. Plus, Rummy and Ashcroft wasn't gettin' along too fine, since each one figures he's the reason the nation's still here. And Colin was unusual quiet -- not like himself at all. He may be a little ticked off 'count a' we always trumpin' his king.
So come the big day. Like I say, it started out good. We all unfolded the flag, which stretched from here to over there, and then heisted it up the pole. Big smiles. Cameras clickin' and flashin' fierce. Then a sudden wind come up and made the flag wave and snap real smart. It was a enthrallin' sight which enthralled us.
We was still posin' when Karl nudged me and jerked his head toward the flag, and I seen what was botherin' him: the pole was leanin' kind a' to the left. We all said "Uh oh," ''cept Christie, who was gigglin' and said we should go stand on the other side, and then it would look like it was leanin' to the right.
Don't nobody pay no mind no more to Christie, who ain't half as funny as she thinks she is. I bet she gonna find the classified pages a real hoot come next term.
Anyhow, Ashcroft 'n Rummy 'n Colin run over to straighten up the pole, but it don't go too well. Colin's pushin' it from the left, 'n Ashy and Rummy 's pullin' it from the right. For a minute they look like a screwed-up picture a' the Marines raisin' the flag at Mt. Hibachi or someplace.
Well, natural the flag starts to tip over to the right and it don't stop. Colin', the ol' military man, starts yellin', "Don't let it touch the ground! Don't let it touch the ground!" But it 'peared it was a little late for that, 'cause down it goes. Then pure pandemania breaks out, 'n ever'body 's runnin' ever which way -- 'n alla us is mindful the cameras is meanwhile steady goin'.
Ashy and Rummy grabs the flag on opposite sides down at the stripey end. Colin is between 'em tryin' a pull it up too, and I'm runnin' 'round Colin' offerin' him sound advice. Then somehow he come to trip over my feet, falls flat on his after-end, and is sayin' very un-statesmanlike things that I is takin' highly personal.
Now Ashy and Rummy is both pullin' as hard as they can to lift the flag and Colin. And they 's yellin' at 'im to "Get up!" But Colin seem momentary like he don't know what's happenin'. Then a' course the damn flag picks that moment to split right up the middle. And next thing the wind takes both ends and starts whippin' Ashy and Rummy with 'em.
Then alla us run over and try to extirpate them outta there, but the two halves wraps 'round us like some kinda serpents, and ever' body is trippin' 'n swearin' at each other and the damn flag. Meanwhile Karl 's sayin' terrible things to the cameramen, who won't stop takin' pictures and seem to be havin' a much better time than we is.
Then the flag gets blew off the ground, crosses over the barbecue, catches fire and starts makin' its way toward the WH. Meanwhile my nieces and nephews is jumpin' up and down clappin' their hands and screamin' "Uncle Georgie set the flag on fire! Uncle Georgie set the flag on fire!" over and over again. See if they invited back next time.
Well, the fire fighters got there 'fore there was any serious damage. No harm other than a few scorch-marks. I tell you, though, I learned a lesson outta all this: don't never get involved in no more productions with big flags.
Damned things got a mind a' they own.
From: gwb
To: Hank Blakely
Sent: Monday, July 8, 2002
Subject: We need more lawn order
Terrible Fourth a' July, just terrible.
At least, thank the Lord, didn't nobody get blown up on my watch. Good thing, too, cause if they had ever'body 'd be askin' me a lot a' uncomfortable questions.
Oh, and the humanity, a' course, the humanity.
It started okay, 'though I now realize I should a' seen some kinda warnin' in that it was Karl what come up with the big idea. Karl wanted a bunch a' us to get out on the WH lawn and raise this BIG flag to show how patriotic we was 'n how much we like raisin' big flags.
My idea was to combine it with a ol' fashioned 4th a' July cookout right on the lawn, just like the ordinary little citizens. Laura got more turned on to the idea than I seen her in a long time; and started makin' all kinds a' plans But I told her I was gonna take personal charge a' this, and that calmed her down some considerable. The light kinda went out a' her eyes 'n she went back to that tight little smile she wear more 'n more these days.
But I was excited enough for both a' us, and I called a special Cabinet meetin' to discuss the cookout plans. I was as chipper as a woodpecker in a saw mill, 'cause at last I would be the one controllin' the agenda and we'd be talkin' 'bout stuff I actually understood.
The meetin' could a' gone better. Some fool told Christie Whitman 'bout' it, and so natural she come, and all through the meetin' she's rollin' her eyes 'n snickerin' like a woodchuck. Plus, Rummy and Ashcroft wasn't gettin' along too fine, since each one figures he's the reason the nation's still here. And Colin was unusual quiet -- not like himself at all. He may be a little ticked off 'count a' we always trumpin' his king.
So come the big day. Like I say, it started out good. We all unfolded the flag, which stretched from here to over there, and then heisted it up the pole. Big smiles. Cameras clickin' and flashin' fierce. Then a sudden wind come up and made the flag wave and snap real smart. It was a enthrallin' sight which enthralled us.
We was still posin' when Karl nudged me and jerked his head toward the flag, and I seen what was botherin' him: the pole was leanin' kind a' to the left. We all said "Uh oh," ''cept Christie, who was gigglin' and said we should go stand on the other side, and then it would look like it was leanin' to the right.
Don't nobody pay no mind no more to Christie, who ain't half as funny as she thinks she is. I bet she gonna find the classified pages a real hoot come next term.
Anyhow, Ashcroft 'n Rummy 'n Colin run over to straighten up the pole, but it don't go too well. Colin's pushin' it from the left, 'n Ashy and Rummy 's pullin' it from the right. For a minute they look like a screwed-up picture a' the Marines raisin' the flag at Mt. Hibachi or someplace.
Well, natural the flag starts to tip over to the right and it don't stop. Colin', the ol' military man, starts yellin', "Don't let it touch the ground! Don't let it touch the ground!" But it 'peared it was a little late for that, 'cause down it goes. Then pure pandemania breaks out, 'n ever'body 's runnin' ever which way -- 'n alla us is mindful the cameras is meanwhile steady goin'.
Ashy and Rummy grabs the flag on opposite sides down at the stripey end. Colin is between 'em tryin' a pull it up too, and I'm runnin' 'round Colin' offerin' him sound advice. Then somehow he come to trip over my feet, falls flat on his after-end, and is sayin' very un-statesmanlike things that I is takin' highly personal.
Now Ashy and Rummy is both pullin' as hard as they can to lift the flag and Colin. And they 's yellin' at 'im to "Get up!" But Colin seem momentary like he don't know what's happenin'. Then a' course the damn flag picks that moment to split right up the middle. And next thing the wind takes both ends and starts whippin' Ashy and Rummy with 'em.
Then alla us run over and try to extirpate them outta there, but the two halves wraps 'round us like some kinda serpents, and ever' body is trippin' 'n swearin' at each other and the damn flag. Meanwhile Karl 's sayin' terrible things to the cameramen, who won't stop takin' pictures and seem to be havin' a much better time than we is.
Then the flag gets blew off the ground, crosses over the barbecue, catches fire and starts makin' its way toward the WH. Meanwhile my nieces and nephews is jumpin' up and down clappin' their hands and screamin' "Uncle Georgie set the flag on fire! Uncle Georgie set the flag on fire!" over and over again. See if they invited back next time.
Well, the fire fighters got there 'fore there was any serious damage. No harm other than a few scorch-marks. I tell you, though, I learned a lesson outta all this: don't never get involved in no more productions with big flags.
Damned things got a mind a' they own.
Flag Waivers
One nation, indefensible
© 2001- 2, Hank Blakely
