The story thus far: following the Big Show debacle, GEORGE and his advisors have decided to enhance the nation's image via a campaign of negative comparisons to other countries. A complication arises in the involvement of the infamous PROFESSOR RHEINGOLD, linchpin of many previous disasters.
From: gwb
To: Hank Blakely
Sent: Monday, April 8, 2002
Subject: Fear is just a mind of state
As I write these reflectin's it occurs to me that maybe I ain't cut out for the advertisin' life after all.
Now, I'm not blamin' all a' what happened on Rheingold. He ain't necessary a bad sort, only he's a scientist, and like most a' that kind he thinks more 'bout gettin' results than he does 'bout what to do with 'em. This is what makes scientists such a iffy proposition.
Still, Rheingold is somethin' uvva disaster lookin' for a place to land. It ain't so much his ideas is bad, just that they's usual too complicated to work. But his idea this time was different: this time it didn't work 'cause it was too simple.
Rheingold come up with somethin' he called — and I'm takin' the spellin' off the damage report — "Archetypal Fear Linkage," the idea bein' that there is certain images that'll scare the bejesus outta you no matter who you is or where you from. Rheingold planned to scare people into seein' what a great place America is by makin' 'em afraid a' ever'where else.
When I first hear it I think it's a great idea, God help me, 'cause I see right away what good could come from people bein' afraid. And I figured I was a uncommon good judge a' such things, 'cause fear 's somethin' I know a lot about, bein' who I am and what I do for a livin'.
See, people's built from the ground up, just like skyscrapers. Each year they adds another floor, and the higher they goes the safer they think they is. But fear is a dismantlin' thing: You get scared enough 'n you go right back to the basement. One minute you're a big important adult, and the next you're five years old, cryin' for mommy. When that happens the criticalness a' your thinkin' ain't even as good as it usual is, and far 's you concerned there ain't no difference 'tween mommy and God.
And if you is scared enough, I'm your mommy.
Which is how come I took up Rheingold's idea. After 9/11 people altogether stopped pickin' on me, but lately, what with the terrorists bein' so lax and all, people's startin' to ask again what good I is doin' — which is a politician's least favorite question, 'cause the answer 's almost always depressin'. So I figured it wouldn't hurt to get the public re-worried some.
To test his idea, Rheingold got some folks together in a theater in the Old Executive Buildin' and showed 'em lots a' scary pictures: spiders, snakes, rats, the Devil, Dracula, Jeanne Kirkpatrick, the Wolfman, and like that.
And with each picture he'd also show one a' some crazy leader uvva evil country like Iraq or North Korea. On the good side he'd show 'em pictures a' me and Cheney interdispersed with pictures a' ice cream cones and angels. After a hour or so, he'd give the audience a test to see how much they're thinkin' 'd changed.
The results was a little disappointin'. Turns out folks didn't think much less a' the evil countries than they had before. The surprise part was Cheney and me didn't come out so good. Turned out some people was plannin' to cut ice cream outta their diets altogether.
Worse part was they also didn't think as much a' angels as they useta.
The final part a' the experiment was to check what Rheingold called a "Variant Engagement Ratio." This is where he'd start with a small picture 'n make it bigger until it filled the whole screen. The viewers was wired up to computers to get their reactions.
Folks got a little apprehensive when the Saddam picture started enlargin', but they settled down pretty quick. Then my picture come up. At first a few folks got kinda restless, then some started twistin' in their seats a little. Then a few snatched off their wires 'n got up 'n started walkin' toward the doors, then a few more joined 'em.
My picture is steady gettin' bigger and bigger, 'n now more folks is snatchin' off wires 'n headin' for the doors. Now they's shovin', and soon enough they's pushin' 'n runnin' over each other. My face 's gettin' bigger and bigger on the screen, 'n now they's yellin' and screamin' to get out. One a' the doors busts open, 'n they comes pourin' outta the theater, smashin' anythin' that gets in their way. By this time my face 's filled up the screen, but ain't nobody left to see it — and not many seats left to sit on if they did.
Most a' us was depressed afterwards, but Rheingold was very excited. Said it was a brand new reaction he was gonna call "Primal Fear Crossover." Said it give 'im a whole new idea how to make people like us. Said all he needed was a few hundred million and access to a handful a' city reservoirs.
Scientists.
The story thus far: following the Big Show debacle, GEORGE and his advisors have decided to enhance the nation's image via a campaign of negative comparisons to other countries. A complication arises in the involvement of the infamous PROFESSOR RHEINGOLD, linchpin of many previous disasters.
From: gwb
To: Hank Blakely
Sent: Monday, April 8, 2002
Subject: Fear is just a mind of state
As I write these reflectin's it occurs to me that maybe I ain't cut out for the advertisin' life after all.
Now, I'm not blamin' all a' what happened on Rheingold. He ain't necessary a bad sort, only he's a scientist, and like most a' that kind he thinks more 'bout gettin' results than he does 'bout what to do with 'em. This is what makes scientists such a iffy proposition.
Still, Rheingold is somethin' uvva disaster lookin' for a place to land. It ain't so much his ideas is bad, just that they's usual too complicated to work. But his idea this time was different: this time it didn't work 'cause it was too simple.
Rheingold come up with somethin' he called — and I'm takin' the spellin' off the damage report — "Archetypal Fear Linkage," the idea bein' that there is certain images that'll scare the bejesus outta you no matter who you is or where you from. Rheingold planned to scare people into seein' what a great place America is by makin' 'em afraid a' ever'where else.
When I first hear it I think it's a great idea, God help me, 'cause I see right away what good could come from people bein' afraid. And I figured I was a uncommon good judge a' such things, 'cause fear 's somethin' I know a lot about, bein' who I am and what I do for a livin'.
See, people's built from the ground up, just like skyscrapers. Each year they adds another floor, and the higher they goes the safer they think they is. But fear is a dismantlin' thing: You get scared enough 'n you go right back to the basement. One minute you're a big important adult, and the next you're five years old, cryin' for mommy. When that happens the criticalness a' your thinkin' ain't even as good as it usual is, and far 's you concerned there ain't no difference 'tween mommy and God.
And if you is scared enough, I'm your mommy.
Which is how come I took up Rheingold's idea. After 9/11 people altogether stopped pickin' on me, but lately, what with the terrorists bein' so lax and all, people's startin' to ask again what good I is doin' — which is a politician's least favorite question, 'cause the answer 's almost always depressin'. So I figured it wouldn't hurt to get the public re-worried some.
To test his idea, Rheingold got some folks together in a theater in the Old Executive Buildin' and showed 'em lots a' scary pictures: spiders, snakes, rats, the Devil, Dracula, Jeanne Kirkpatrick, the Wolfman, and like that.
And with each picture he'd also show one a' some crazy leader uvva evil country like Iraq or North Korea. On the good side he'd show 'em pictures a' me and Cheney interdispersed with pictures a' ice cream cones and angels. After a hour or so, he'd give the audience a test to see how much they're thinkin' 'd changed.
The results was a little disappointin'. Turns out folks didn't think much less a' the evil countries than they had before. The surprise part was Cheney and me didn't come out so good. Turned out some people was plannin' to cut ice cream outta their diets altogether.
Worse part was they also didn't think as much a' angels as they useta.
The final part a' the experiment was to check what Rheingold called a "Variant Engagement Ratio." This is where he'd start with a small picture 'n make it bigger until it filled the whole screen. The viewers was wired up to computers to get their reactions.
Folks got a little apprehensive when the Saddam picture started enlargin', but they settled down pretty quick. Then my picture come up. At first a few folks got kinda restless, then some started twistin' in their seats a little. Then a few snatched off their wires 'n got up 'n started walkin' toward the doors, then a few more joined 'em.
My picture is steady gettin' bigger and bigger, 'n now more folks is snatchin' off wires 'n headin' for the doors. Now they's shovin', and soon enough they's pushin' 'n runnin' over each other. My face 's gettin' bigger and bigger on the screen, 'n now they's yellin' and screamin' to get out. One a' the doors busts open, 'n they comes pourin' outta the theater, smashin' anythin' that gets in their way. By this time my face 's filled up the screen, but ain't nobody left to see it — and not many seats left to sit on if they did.
Most a' us was depressed afterwards, but Rheingold was very excited. Said it was a brand new reaction he was gonna call "Primal Fear Crossover." Said it give 'im a whole new idea how to make people like us. Said all he needed was a few hundred million and access to a handful a' city reservoirs.
Scientists.
Flackman, part four
A reservoir of good will
© 2001- 2, Hank Blakely
