From: gwb
To: Hank Blakely
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2001
Subject: My two weeks in Hell
 
 
I'm gonna tell you the truth: this has been a purely rotten coupla weeks.
 
In fact, I'd have to say it's the worst coupla weeks I've ever had sober. It almost makes me sorry that the American People chose to elevate me to the high office that I now haunt.
 
First, there was the Yale thing, all them wiseass prissy-pants sittin' there booin' me. Booin' me! The President, f' God's sake! Nothin's changed. Nothin's changed at all: them snotty little jerks are still lookin' down their snotty little noses at me.
 
Then there was - I can't bring myself to udder his name - a certain person - who Laura has taken to callin' "Senator. Smarty-Pants", and says "it'll be a long time 'fore he gets dinner in this house again". Although, the way things are goin' now, I wouldn't be surprised if it ain't actually all that long.
 
This is serious. People here's runnin' 'round like chickens in a hurricane. Thank God Orrin had the presents of mind to squeeze Ted Olson through. Even so, Ted's investigation is still goin' on, and there's no tellin' what kinda surprises Tom Daschle's gonna pull outta his sleeve next.
 
I can't understand how Jim could do this to us. Sure, we gave him a little wood-sheddin' from time to time, just to keep him in line. I mean, sometimes you practically got to for his own good. Then he all of a sudden turns on us like this. What's happened to discipline? What's happened to team spirit?
 
I have never trusted so-called "moderates". I've always said, inside every moderate Republican, there's a Democrat strugglin' to get out.
 
Then there was the Annapolis incident, when that big sailor grabbed me and started bear-dancin' me 'round the podium - which the Secret Service helped with not at all, thank you. "Shoot him! Shoot him!" I kept yellin', but God forbid anybody would ever listen to me.
 
And Strom's so feeble now that he don't even try to grope his female constituents anymore. Dick C says Strom's startin' to look like "Banquo's ghost on a rainy day".
 
I don't know how long we're gonna have Strom with us. It's abundant clear we gotta do somethin' fast. We got the tax cut through, but we still gotta a lotta judicial appointments hangin' out there. And you know what Daschle and his crowd's gonna do with those.
 
Tom DeLay is considerable exorcised over all this. Like he rightly says: "The whole thing was about the judiciary, for God's sake!". He's worried 'cause the longer it takes to confirm them, the more time the media sneaks've got to poke into their backgrounds, although most of 'em don't even bother, thank the Lord.
 
But the lower judiciary is nothin' compared to our problems with the Supreme Court: Sandy O'Connor's startin' to get restless. The only reason she swung our way on the Florida thing in the first place was so's she could resign and go off and do whatever the hell it is she thinks she can do in private life. Same's true for Bill Rehnquist, and Tony's startin' to get that itchy kinda look about him again.
 
Guess they're all gonna have to go on hold for a while longer. Dick C says we can't afford a high court nomination while the Dems're sittin in the big chair. He says, if we're not careful, we might be forced inta pickin' another nasty surprise like Earl Warren. (Mr. Warren was the boss of the Supreme Court back when people still respected it). The whole thing is a terrible mess. I'm about as demoralized as a fireman in Hell.
 
Let's see, what else went wrong? Oh, yeah, California. We had just about wrote all'a them off for the next elections, 'cause they've solid turned their backs on the Reagan tradition, and are becomin' more like Berkeley ever'day. But now, since Senator Smarty Pants, We can't afford that way'a thinkin', 'cause they got enough House seats to shift the congressional balance. The Dems could conceptibly wind up in control of both houses, and what kinda nightmare would that be?
 
All which meant I hadda go to California to talk with Governor Gray Davis. Which meant I got to spend a whole afternoon with Gray's sparklin' personality, listenin' to a endless recicitation of spot energy prices. Whoopee.
 
I'm really comin' to hate that place. What happened to them earthquake predictions? If they was ever gonna drop off the continent, now would be a good time.
 
And don't let me get started about my girls.
 
NATO's takin' a real hard line on the missile defense plan. Colin barely got 'em to acknowledge it in their joint statement, and even then they put in some snide crap about us consultin' with 'em on it. I've noticed that France and Germany, and a lot of the other small countries seem incapable of workin' together in a true American spirit.
 
But I think the thing that's got us most worried is this business with John McCain. You won't believe it, but he had the nerve to have Tom Daschle and some'a the folks from the Democratic Leadership Council down to his house for a quote, "barbecue", unquote. Why stop at barbecue? Why not just chew on my livin' arm while they're at it?
 
This is a lot more serious than most folks think. If John races me in 2004 it could cipher a lot of "moderates" away from the party - Susan and Olympia for sure, maybe even Colin and Condie. And I don't think I wanta be left all by myself with Tom DeLay.
 
John and me's been like cats and dogs ever since Karl had his people express a few honest opinions about the effect the war mighta had on John's brain. 'Course, I never been in a war myself, or ever seen any kinda real military action, for that matter, so I can't say for sure: but if he was such a military hot-shot, how come he got captured in the first place? Huh? Answer me that!
 
John says he ain't gonna defect, but Karl says John's as good a player as he's ever seen, and he could revert on that promise faster'n you can make canned soup. Oh, well. As Karl says, "screw him if he can't take a joke".
 
I can't really get across to you how dispiritin' all of this is for me. Seems to me ever' time I try to face a challenge, it kicks me in the butt. Don't seem right. And after all I done for America, too.
 
A very peeved
W