Way out in the western canyons,
Where the wolf and the coyote howl
There's a crazy galoot,
A strange kind'a coot,
Who's loco as an ol' hoot owl.
 
A bunch of us boys was a' whoopin' it up
On the rifle range one day,
When a gent who made us nervous
Came to offer us his Service,
'Said, "Can I help you boys in any way?"
 
He went about as tall as a man can go
With a firm and resolute chin.
And you could see in his eyes
That he had a surprise
For any man who messed with him.
 
He said "I hear the liber-ralls"
Are givin' you boys some guff.
'Hear they don't give a hoot
For the manly pursuit
Of blowin' the hell out of stuff"
 
He said, " boys, you need someone famous
To teach them liber-ralls a lesson.
I don't mean to boast,
But I'm known coast to coast"
'Said, "the name is Charlton Heston".
 
He said "I once was a liber-rall too"
And I did the liber-rall thing.
I remember quite well,
It was hotter than hell,
The summer I marched with King"
 
"But that was a long, long time ago,
And I've changed my way of thinkin'
Said 'adios' to the days
Of my Democratic ways,
Signed up with the Party of Lincoln"
 
"And just like King and Lincoln
I will do what must be done".
'Said, "If Martin was here
I know he'd cheer
For my fight to free your guns"
 
"But boys, it ain't just about guns,
It's about a whole lot more.
And just like you
I'm a victim too
Of the liber-rall culture war"
 
"The leftist, traitorous media
Say I'm senile and off my game.
And the liber-rall press
Has made a mess
Of my reputation and my name"
 
"Seems a Lord-fearin' Christian Caucasian man
Don't stand a chance in Hell!
The minorities
Do just as they please.
And nobody hardly yells"
 
His eyes grew round as silver dollars
As he hollered righteously:
"I'm the one who drove the chariot!
Fought with Judas Iscariot!
Defeated Pharaoh, and parted the red, red sea!
There's lots of tricks in this old brain,
'Member how I liberated Spain?
Boys you know you can depend on me!"
 
"I'll fight the good fight, boys!
As long as breath still lingers
If they want my gun
They can have the one
That's clutched in my cold dead fingers!"
 
Then he stood up on the table,
Shoutin' "There's a storm a'comin' our way!"
But he was preachin' doom
To an empty room
'Cause we'd all walked away.
 
Way out in the western canyons,
Where the wolf and the coyote howl
There's a crazy galoot,
A strange kind'a coot,
Loco as an ol' hoot owl,
Yep, loco as an ol' hooty owl.